Thursday, September 24, 2009

My Neighbors in the Building

South Asian women:

1. Have full time jobs

2. Mothers

3. Take care of home, kids, work full no help from the husbands

4. Go to school full time.

Pakistan women:

1. Go to school part time ( kids come first)

2. Mosque is part of daily activities

3. Bi- weekly lessons in the building (Islamic class)

4. Know how to drive, speak, read.

5. Always improving themselves(religion, Education, work)

Arab Women:

1. Don't speak the language and don't want to learn

2. Have 5 kids minimum ( way to collect government cheques)

3. Go to the mosques on Eids only

4. Can't buy milk by herself ( going to store is the men jobs)

5. To busy with kids to learn the language

6. live close to her friends( helping each other in reading bills, picking the kids from schools)

7. Every year must visit her countries for this is not our country.

8. Don't spend money on kids(clothes each one wears his brothers)

9. Don't save money for the kid's college.

10. The only store they go is the (.....)clothes

11. Each one calling me from her cell to translate school reports

12. Never attend the Islamic class

13. Talk about new trend here now which trying the Hormone medications so they can have twins instead of giving birth every year. One of them can't speak one word English but she took the medication and now pregnant with twin plus the one she already had. My Syrian is waiting to give birth before she takes the medication. Though she and her husband can't speak the language.

The White Neighbors:

1. Finished school

2. Work full time

3. Not married but common live

4. One baby

5. dogs

6. Always busy(hobbies, gym, parties, long week end plans)

7. Leave home at 8 am come back at 8 pm

8. More relax, carefree, enjoy their life

I don't why they enjoy life maybe their life style (partying, drinking, less kids, less responsible)

That is why we always in back of the world. None of them respect the education, spending their time in gossiping, watching TV(only Arab shows). Never read or listen to the news. Totally depends on their husbands. When we going to wake up?

Bitter Sweet
I never felt this feeling before bitter sweet. It was either sweet or bitter, happy or sad, mad or content. Always happy person, open to change. But this move. I never cried when finished high school. Same When my family left the country. So was when I got my BA, my marriage. Every time I was happy and celebrated the event.
Good bye my city. I moved young innocent student girl. It all happened here, love, hate, marriage, friendship, betray of friendship, & rediscover yourself. Good bye to my jogging at Hurontario st. Good bye Tim Horton's . Bye good to Italian bakery. Good bye my neighbors whom I started to appreciate them expect now. Good bye hurontario street with its traffic. Good bye Mi after seven years of living there.
Now I had go through all again. New city, new people, new everything but I am not happy as usually. There is this bitter feeling around me. I will be more lonely.
My library, for seven years I never miss going there Saturdays morning. Sitting there sipping my hot moka. I scared this time from the change. I would leave all these warm to cold place.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Indian summer

I am enjoying the last of the summer or what they called Indian summer (false summer) other racism toward the Indian(first nation) by labeling them liars (false). I enjoyed my regular walk, the two police men were so funny. I found the new Turkish place, the Latino cafe finally the Italian baker since they don't use liquor in their pastry. The winter would come and I will miss my walks. Winter with its grey, sad weather. No where to go expect the malls which are full of germs. Grey, dark, lonely winter days with long cold nights. My only pleasure a cup of hot latte. Going to Tim drinking his strong coffee. Or go back 4 years ago, 3 years from today how was it?

Me without head cover, my long hair, tall doing my small things happy as I am content with the small thing in my life. Find nice cream winter coat from The Bay with 20 % discount that were my simple pleasure. What happen to my life ? why is it that complicated? Why can't be happy any more ? who stole my light from me? Shall take those happy pills? or turn to comfort food? Or move to small town?
Give up, happiness only in death or after life for this life contains only sadness better to accept and take away all these false ideas about enjoying my life.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Divorce or not?
Love was not enough for us,Though we were much in love.We started down the well-worn path,But it was not to be.
Delight was not enough for us,Nor tenderness that moved Through years of angry dissonance Towards some dark, bitter sea.
Now should I divorce him or not? Can I go on life as divorcee? an other failure in life. So anger and hurt, I want my revenge on him. I hate his smiles, face how I could hurt like the way he did.
I would think and wait.